Approving Myself

Love and accept yourself the way you are today. Then step right up and take your place in the universe.

Melody Beattie

I like to start my day by reading a book I love entitled, Journey to the Heart. The book contains a short reading for each day of the year. The title for today was ‘What are you trying to prove?’. As I sat meditating on the words I read, I thought about my younger self. My younger self spent a lot of time trying to prove myself. Younger Sheba felt the need to prove a lot to the world because she carried the shame of being a young, unmarried mother. The stares, comments and doubts of success catapulted me into ‘prove them wrong mode.’

On one hand, the glaring stares, snarky comments, relentless chatter and unsolicited doubtful banter motivated me to strive for greatness. There was a problem with my desire to be great – it was not pure. It was a tainted desire of greatness. My motivation to be great was rooted in fear of failure. I feared failing because failure would prove all the naysayers right. I was operating in a dangerous mode. Fearing failure made me strive for perfection and perfection had no space for error. My life was based on fear. Most of my decisions were based on fear and need of approval.

Who told me I needed approval? Who told me being a young, unmarried mother was shameful? Well, no one explicitly said to me that my choices were shameful or I needed to gain approval. My feelings were based off how I perceived others thoughts, judgement and feelings. Unfortunately, I allowed the thoughts of the world to filter my psyche. I ultimately was unknowingly involved in a battle with myself. My desire to prove the world wrong was rooted in my need to prove I was worthy, deserving and capable of amazing things to myself. I had to given myself permission to approve myself.

Approving myself began with self acceptance. I learned to accept my decisions and choices. I learned to accept myself as I was. This process took a lot of unlearning and rewiring my thoughts. Once I began to accept myself, I changed my narrative. I allowed self love to trickle in. Life had a new meaning after I gave myself permission to accept and love Sheba. I began to live from a place of trust instead of fear.

XOXO,

Sheba